Humility

It has been quite a while since I have been able to get on here to post. Unfortunately, the application on my iPad has stopped working, and it has become difficult for me to write. Let me just say that in case there are weird symbols... I am typing on a Spanish keyboard.

The past two weeks have been extremely interesting, and God has worked in mysteriously wonderful ways (as usual). My team was supposed to spend the past week in South Texas with our boss, Steve. Unfortunately, our vehicle which we so kindly named "Explodition", decided to break down about six hours into our sixteen hour drive. The first three hours of our drive were literately in the middle of nowhere New Mexico, and none of us had any cell service almost the entire time. Praise God that He allowed us to break down in the middle of civilization! Ironically we did break down in front of a dairy farm, but regardless... we were safe from harm and could call a tow truck. We ended up spending the night in a hotel in Las Cruces, NM while waiting for our car to be fixed. Although it was an extremely stressful situation, we had not had a break in almost two weeks and it ended up being a blessing in disguise. We were able to shower, swim, work out, shop at Target , and then sleep in a BED with PILLOWS. The car was fixed the next day, but our boss decided to send us up to Joplin, MO early rather than us make the drive down to South Texas since we were already so late. We made the sixteen hour drive, until about 20 minutes from our destination, in which our lovely vehicle decided to break down once more. Thankfully, our team was able to come save us and we towed the vehicle once again to our destination. We had the first day off for our troubles (thank you staff!), followed by a rainy day, and then one half day of work. I was blessed to go home for an overnight layover, and I have mixed emotions about it... but am thankful none the less. It is almost harder having that opportunity and then leaving once more. I miss everyone so much.

For the past month, one of my talks to the teens has been about the concept of humility. When giving the talk in the U.S., I already felt like a hypocrite as I preached the concept to them knowing it was my biggest struggle. I had hit a point this summer where I was done, ready to be home, and had very much hit a wall with my faith. God has once again given me a very gentle slap in the face, and shown me what humility is all about. We arrived midday in the Dominican Republic on Sunday, and I already knew I was in trouble. It has been the most humbling experience being in an area where very few people speak English. The Spanish language is a passion of mine, and I used to be extremely good at reading, listening to, and speaking the language. Unfortunately it is NOT like riding a bicycle as I have not used it for two years now, and I have lost so much. Simple things like verbs and nouns that I used to know like the back of my hand are difficult for me to remember. When asked a question, it is as if I freeze on the spot trying to decipher the meaning, and it is always too late to respond when I figure it out. In our staff, the boy here with me, Caleb, is known for saying silly things to which the group gives him a hard time. As my team member, I have taken on the role of mother in many cases, reminding 19 year old Caleb when to act like an adult and such. I usually have most of the responsibility with the groups we are leading, and am typically telling him what to do and where to be. Here in the DR, our roles have swapped completely as he is near fluent in Spanish. He is a necessary part of my experience as I constantly need him to tell them whatever we need to say. I still comprehend very well... too well in fact as they tend to assume I am dumb because I cannot speak the language fluently. Unfortunately, I am able to understand what they are saying about me, and it is breaking my heart. I am never the "dumb" one of any group, yet here I am... yet another stupid American who cannot speak Spanish. I realized as I felt myself tear up for the tenth time in the past 24 hours that Christ was merely trying to humble me. He is showing me how much I need to remove my pride, my stupid U.S. arrogance, my need to feel worthy or smart, and trust solely on Him throughout this experience. No matter what... I am merely His hands as I do His work here. It is not about me, what I am feeling, what I want or need or miss... it is about helping Him. So here I am, completely humbled and broken... I know He will fill me with the love and strength that only He can give me.

Although I may not understand everything and I cannot speak Spanish fluently, I can work hard to help those around me and I can love on all of those I come into contact with. Thankfully those are two universal qualities that any place appreciates.